Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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