Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
