In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
