he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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