She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
