so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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