Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
