Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
