Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
