Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
