He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize