I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
