Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
