the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
