woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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