You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
