Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i love accidental penises.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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