I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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