i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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