Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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