I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Couch. On fire.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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