Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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