she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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