There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
