its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
