the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
