I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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