I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
