peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize