he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
