You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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