so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
