You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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