remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
