You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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