That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just forgot I was standing up.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
