We're like a lot better than the average bears
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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