Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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