Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Capitaan dildo arrescate!

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(516): View more from New York

im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

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(904): View more from Florida

she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...

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(760): View more from California

she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Got another job?

(607): View more from New York

If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly

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