Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
