I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
