Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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