They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
