Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
