the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
