you have to choose: penises or morals?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
