He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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