I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
