i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
