News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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