Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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