i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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