God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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