i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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