'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
