no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
