Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
