I'm going to jail i love you
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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