Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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