Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
