nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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