Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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