Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
