Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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