I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
