whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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