But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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