good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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