Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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