I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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