U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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