she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
