I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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