Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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