Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
